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Question: How do you wipe your bum?
Sitting? - 20 (57.1%)
Standing? - 15 (42.9%)
Total Voters: 35

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How do you wipe your Bum???

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jonesmrjones
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« on: May 14, 2011, 06:55:51 »

And who uses a wet wipe after?
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« Reply #1 on: May 14, 2011, 07:17:34 »

from back to front, usually 3-4 sheets of paper, folded, not screwed. Repeat until no brown streaking. No wet wipes.
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« Reply #2 on: May 14, 2011, 07:49:09 »

Funny you should ask that today... because i was just wondering if anyone else had ever shit into their own hand whilst wiping.  LIGHTAH!
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« Reply #3 on: May 14, 2011, 07:55:08 »

Funny you should ask that today... because i was just wondering if anyone else had ever shit into their own hand whilst wiping.  LIGHTAH!

No but ive done the old 'finger through the paper and poo under the fingernail' a few times.
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« Reply #4 on: May 14, 2011, 08:31:47 »

You should dump in Japan. Internal bidet on almost every toilet.
Most have a control panel for lid, seat, bidet (of varying strengths), piss flush and poo flush.

Funny enough I was talking to this Jap girl about it and apparently the most common way in Japan is bidet then dap dry. We had sex after.
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« Reply #5 on: May 14, 2011, 09:20:17 »

You should dump in Japan. Internal bidet on almost every toilet.
Most have a control panel for lid, seat, bidet (of varying strengths), piss flush and poo flush.

Funny enough I was talking to this Jap girl about it and apparently the most common way in Japan is bidet then dap dry. We had sex after.

 Two Thumbs
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« Reply #6 on: May 14, 2011, 11:39:47 »

All about the bum guns in Southeast Asia.
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« Reply #7 on: May 14, 2011, 11:58:38 »

content of hijack finally bottoms out  Undecided

Anal insurance anyone?

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« Reply #8 on: May 15, 2011, 19:22:54 »

All about the bum guns in Southeast Asia.

the bum blaster
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« Reply #9 on: May 15, 2011, 21:32:08 »

You should dump in Japan. Internal bidet on almost every toilet.
Most have a control panel for lid, seat, bidet (of varying strengths), piss flush and poo flush.

Funny enough I was talking to this Jap girl about it and apparently the most common way in Japan is bidet then dap dry. We had sex after.

They have those in the toilets in Singapore airport. "Posteria wash" its labelled as. Got a pic somewhere which I'll post when I can find it.  Laugh
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« Reply #10 on: May 15, 2011, 22:32:39 »

You should dump in Japan. Internal bidet on almost every toilet.
Most have a control panel for lid, seat, bidet (of varying strengths), piss flush and poo flush.

Funny enough I was talking to this Jap girl about it and apparently the most common way in Japan is bidet then dap dry. We had sex after.

They have those in the toilets in Singapore airport. "Posteria wash" its labelled as. Got a pic somewhere which I'll post when I can find it.  Laugh

Was any body using it whilst you took photos?  Cos if so, thats some pretty niche gear, you could probably sell them on!
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« Reply #11 on: May 15, 2011, 22:40:04 »

THIS is why i love hijack.  Love
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« Reply #12 on: May 16, 2011, 08:27:36 »

generally with a south east aisan, if theres not one in the near vacinity ill go for the indan left hander then find some unsuspecting victim to pat on the back
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« Reply #13 on: May 16, 2011, 08:37:44 »

who the fucks stands  Smashed
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« Reply #14 on: May 16, 2011, 08:44:59 »

who the fucks stands  Smashed

this
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« Reply #15 on: May 16, 2011, 09:05:29 »

who the fucks stands  Smashed

People who use the bath; ask Ollie Gooch, he's an expert.
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« Reply #16 on: May 16, 2011, 09:22:18 »

You should dump in Japan. Internal bidet on almost every toilet.
Most have a control panel for lid, seat, bidet (of varying strengths), piss flush and poo flush.

Funny enough I was talking to this Jap girl about it and apparently the most common way in Japan is bidet then dap dry. We had sex after.

Heated seats, air freshener and added sound effects too, should you need them



It's hard to go back to a normal bog once you've used one of these
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« Reply #17 on: May 16, 2011, 13:28:37 »

anyone seen the shitters with the seats that turn to clean themselves after they flush! brilliant for after pissup piss, stops the lady from complaining
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« Reply #18 on: May 17, 2011, 12:57:20 »

I put this question on the notice board in work, ill post the results by the end of this week
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« Reply #19 on: May 17, 2011, 15:14:51 »

One up, one down and one to polish
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« Reply #20 on: May 17, 2011, 20:24:00 »

One up, one down and one to polish

One to polish? Sounds like keyhole surgery to me.

South-East Asian bum blasters FTW! They're accurate, too..!  Two Thumbs
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« Reply #21 on: May 17, 2011, 20:26:59 »

South-East Asian bum blasters FTW! They're accurate, too..! 

Reminds me of bring rimmed by a whore in Singapore.


Ah, good times indeed.
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« Reply #22 on: May 17, 2011, 22:27:48 »

I must be the only one that stands up then!  Undecided
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« Reply #23 on: May 17, 2011, 22:32:19 »

I must be the only one that stands up then!  Undecided

If you've had a particularly traumatic shit, don't your shit-smeared cheeks rub together?
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« Reply #24 on: May 17, 2011, 22:37:10 »

I must be the only one that stands up then!  Undecided

If you've had a particularly traumatic shit, don't your shit-smeared cheeks rub together?

Not that I've noticed. I've always done it standing up. Seems normal to me!  Laugh

I'll try sitting down next time. Will report back with results.  Two Thumbs
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« Reply #25 on: May 17, 2011, 22:41:49 »

I must be the only one that stands up then!  Undecided

If you've had a particularly traumatic shit, don't your shit-smeared cheeks rub together?

Not that I've noticed. I've always done it standing up. Seems normal to me!  Laugh

I'll try sitting down next time. Will report back with results.  Two Thumbs

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(Unless it's to check if you've any more brown streaks)
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« Reply #26 on: May 18, 2011, 07:51:30 »

Me and a couple of mates had a rather  Smashed conversation one morning after a night out discussing why everyone sits with their back to the cistern when they take a crap. I mean, obviously I know why everyone does, but the next time after that conversation I tried "riding the bowl" facing the opposite direction.

Mind. Blown.
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« Reply #27 on: May 18, 2011, 08:32:56 »

I must be the only one that stands up then!  Undecided

Nope, I'm a stander. I'd rather a slightly more difficult between-the-cheeks wipe than stick my hand basically inside a toilet to wipe my arse. Also I guess its one of those things you just make a call on when you're a kid and then never think any different cos you never see anyone else do it any other way. Unless you're a sick pervert.
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« Reply #28 on: May 18, 2011, 08:37:30 »

I must be the only one that stands up then!  Undecided

Nope, I'm a stander. I'd rather a slightly more difficult between-the-cheeks wipe than stick my hand basically inside a toilet to wipe my arse. Also I guess its one of those things you just make a call on when you're a kid and then never think any different cos you never see anyone else do it any other way. Unless you're a sick pervert.

Bit gutted to be clubbed in with a paedo tbh.  Undecided
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« Reply #29 on: May 18, 2011, 08:44:54 »

I must be the only one that stands up then!  Undecided

Nope, I'm a stander. I'd rather a slightly more difficult between-the-cheeks wipe than stick my hand basically inside a toilet to wipe my arse. Also I guess its one of those things you just make a call on when you're a kid and then never think any different cos you never see anyone else do it any other way. Unless you're a sick pervert.

Bit gutted to be clubbed in with a paedo tbh.  Undecided

I'm a stander and I'm not a paedo.  Cheesy
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« Reply #30 on: May 18, 2011, 08:45:46 »

Bit gutted to be clubbed in with a paedo tbh.  Undecided

You probably ought to stop fucking kids then.
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« Reply #31 on: May 18, 2011, 08:47:27 »

I must be the only one that stands up then!  Undecided

Nope, I'm a stander. I'd rather a slightly more difficult between-the-cheeks wipe than stick my hand basically inside a toilet to wipe my arse. Also I guess its one of those things you just make a call on when you're a kid and then never think any different cos you never see anyone else do it any other way. Unless you're a sick pervert.

Bit gutted to be clubbed in with a paedo tbh.  Undecided

I'm a stander and I'm not a paedo.  Cheesy

Thank fuck for that. Thought I was the only one!  Cheesy
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« Reply #32 on: May 18, 2011, 09:48:00 »

I must be the only one that stands up then!  Undecided

If you've had a particularly traumatic shit, don't your shit-smeared cheeks rub together?

Not that I've noticed. I've always done it standing up. Seems normal to me!  Laugh

I'll try sitting down next time. Will report back with results.  Two Thumbs

Results I imagine will include, if you get the mirror out, a noticeable lack of the Butterfly Effect
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« Reply #33 on: May 18, 2011, 09:53:37 »

I'm a stander.

Also, what the fuck is a Bidet all about? How is a trickle of water meant to effectively get shit stains off my arse? And how are you meant to know when you're done?
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« Reply #34 on: May 18, 2011, 12:37:29 »

a noticeable lack of the Butterfly Effect

 Laughing


Can't believe there are so many standers.

We need more research - namely do standers have an increased probability of skid marks?
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« Reply #35 on: May 18, 2011, 21:27:42 »

Does anyone here have a phantom shitter at work? I had one in uni halls and one when I worked at the Blood Service in Filton.

Everyday, same bowl - utter destruction.  Puke  OMG Death Star!!!11  LIGHTAH!  Slayer  Cry  Eek

And no, it wasn't me before you ask. Got to the point where my boss was checking the toilets hourly as he wanted to know too.
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« Reply #36 on: May 19, 2011, 00:51:28 »

Can't believe there are so many standers.

We need more research - namely do standers have an increased probability of skid marks?

I reckon so. I once undid a girls bra strap single handed, only to discover my fingers smelt like shit. Deffo a stander.
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« Reply #37 on: May 19, 2011, 05:24:49 »

Can't believe there are so many standers.

We need more research - namely do standers have an increased probability of skid marks?

I reckon so. I once undid a girls bra strap single handed, only to discover my fingers smelt like shit. Deffo a stander.
I bet that didn't stop you smashing her in though, right?
I could be thrown into a mass grave in Kosovo, and if there was a lady that would let  me remove her clothes, you best believe we're doing the dirty on some dead people.

P.S. Honer, LOTS of research is needed. Diet, regularity in visitation and follicle density are all worth a bit of research.
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« Reply #38 on: May 19, 2011, 08:32:45 »

Can't believe there are so many standers.

We need more research - namely do standers have an increased probability of skid marks?

I reckon so. I once undid a girls bra strap single handed, only to discover my fingers smelt like shit. Deffo a stander.

 Laughing at what point during your liaison did you realise this?
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« Reply #39 on: May 19, 2011, 12:31:28 »

some relevant info im sure you will agree:

http://www.hijackbristol.co.uk/board/the-forum/when-you-poo-does-a-little-bit-of-wee-always-come-out-merged/
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« Reply #40 on: May 19, 2011, 13:33:22 »


 Laugh
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« Reply #41 on: May 20, 2011, 11:20:51 »

This is fuckin brilliant, cheered me right up this mornin

I could be thrown into a mass grave in Kosovo, and if there was a lady that would let  me remove her clothes, you best believe we're doing the dirty on some dead people.

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« Reply #42 on: May 21, 2011, 14:47:23 »

here is one for you all.

What do you do in a portaloo?

If you sit down in one of them your sick in the head, paper on the seat or not!
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« Reply #43 on: May 21, 2011, 14:51:52 »

How do blind people know when to stop wiping Huh
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« Reply #44 on: May 22, 2011, 07:15:58 »

How do blind people know when to stop wiping Huh

get their dog to lick it for them?
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« Reply #45 on: May 22, 2011, 12:06:03 »

How do blind people know when to stop wiping Huh

get their dog to lick it for them?

 Laugh
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« Reply #46 on: June 01, 2011, 11:14:07 »

After weeks of extensive testing. I can reveal that I am hear by converted to sitting. Much more efficient.  Two Thumbs
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« Reply #47 on: June 01, 2011, 11:22:02 »

here is one for you all.

What do you do in a portaloo?

Piss carefully whilst clenching the sphincter. I'd rather shit myself than put my bear naked arse anywhere near the orifice of a portaloo. I tend to end up standing on tip-toes to piss just to make sure my dick's as far away from ground zero as it can be. I don't know why festivals don't just let you shit in the woods.... If its good enough for the pope....
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« Reply #48 on: June 01, 2011, 11:24:29 »

here is one for you all.

What do you do in a portaloo?

Piss carefully whilst clenching the sphincter. I'd rather shit myself than put my bear naked arse anywhere near the orifice of a portaloo. I tend to end up standing on tip-toes to piss just to make sure my dick's as far away from ground zero as it can be. I don't know why festivals don't just let you shit in the woods.... If its good enough for the pope....

There are more germs in your mouth than in your arse and shit.
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« Reply #49 on: June 01, 2011, 11:31:35 »

here is one for you all.

What do you do in a portaloo?

Piss carefully whilst clenching the sphincter. I'd rather shit myself than put my bear naked arse anywhere near the orifice of a portaloo. I tend to end up standing on tip-toes to piss just to make sure my dick's as far away from ground zero as it can be. I don't know why festivals don't just let you shit in the woods.... If its good enough for the pope....

There are more germs in your mouth than in your arse and shit.

Yeah this is the reason why I try not to put my dick too close to my mouth either.
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« Reply #50 on: June 01, 2011, 11:50:38 »

Noodle, do you lick the pussy?
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« Reply #51 on: June 01, 2011, 11:52:07 »

even if this page gets to 32 there will still not be as much shit contained within as the riot thread
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« Reply #52 on: June 01, 2011, 12:06:06 »

Noodle, do you lick the pussy?

I bet he doesn't unless he puts a johnny on his tongue.
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« Reply #53 on: June 01, 2011, 13:17:09 »

Noodle, do you lick the pussy?

Of course. Its an activity which really bears no comparison to shitting in a portaloo though. I fear we've strayed a little too far from making sense here.
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« Reply #54 on: June 01, 2011, 13:27:47 »

What about rimming, Noodle?
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« Reply #55 on: June 01, 2011, 13:36:38 »

If someone wants to shove their tongue up my arse they can be my guest but fuck them if they expect to be repaid in kind.
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« Reply #56 on: June 01, 2011, 17:59:57 »

Noodle, do you lick the pussy?

I bet he doesn't unless he puts a johnny on his tongue.
Please tell me you guys are at least a little selective with your tongue lashings??
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« Reply #57 on: June 01, 2011, 18:03:00 »

Noodle, do you lick the pussy?

I bet he doesn't unless he puts a johnny on his tongue.
Please tell me you guys are at least a little selective with your tongue lashings??

As long as it's not like the amazon down there then I'm game!
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« Reply #58 on: June 01, 2011, 18:10:29 »

Noodle, do you lick the pussy?

I bet he doesn't unless he puts a johnny on his tongue.
Please tell me you guys are at least a little selective with your tongue lashings??

Undecided nah mate, whoever whenever wherever
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« Reply #59 on: June 01, 2011, 18:10:49 »

Noodle, do you lick the pussy?

I bet he doesn't unless he puts a johnny on his tongue.
Please tell me you guys are at least a little selective with your tongue lashings??

As long as it's not like the amazon down there then I'm game!
Really? Well fair play for admitting such I suppose.

You got to be pretty special to get any of that out of me. Although I'm not a massive fan of receiving head so fair is fair...,
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« Reply #60 on: June 01, 2011, 18:18:10 »

^^^^^ Undecided ^^^^^
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« Reply #61 on: June 01, 2011, 18:19:15 »

^^^^^ Undecided ^^^^^
What?
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« Reply #62 on: June 01, 2011, 18:31:47 »

Noodle, do you lick the pussy?

I bet he doesn't unless he puts a johnny on his tongue.
Please tell me you guys are at least a little selective with your tongue lashings??

As long as it's not like the amazon down there then I'm game!
Really? Well fair play for admitting such I suppose.

You got to be pretty special to get any of that out of me. Although I'm not a massive fan of receiving head so fair is fair...,

How can you not like a good blowie?  Undecided
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« Reply #63 on: June 01, 2011, 18:33:14 »

Noodle, do you lick the pussy?

I bet he doesn't unless he puts a johnny on his tongue.
Please tell me you guys are at least a little selective with your tongue lashings??

As long as it's not like the amazon down there then I'm game!
Really? Well fair play for admitting such I suppose.

You got to be pretty special to get any of that out of me. Although I'm not a massive fan of receiving head so fair is fair...,

How can you not like a good blowie?  Undecided
I just prefer to go balls deep.
Loads of girls are shit at them as well.
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« Reply #64 on: June 01, 2011, 18:38:17 »

obviously "balls deep" is better, but what about before then?
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« Reply #65 on: June 01, 2011, 18:42:11 »

obviously "balls deep" is better, but what about before then?

Fisting?
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« Reply #66 on: June 01, 2011, 18:45:45 »

obviously "balls deep" is better, but what about before then?
Before then, they have clothes on. Usually.
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« Reply #67 on: June 01, 2011, 18:46:27 »

obviously "balls deep" is better, but what about before then?
Before then, they have clothes on. Usually.

bet teh ladies love you
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« Reply #68 on: June 01, 2011, 18:47:24 »

obviously "balls deep" is better, but what about before then?
Before then, they have clothes on. Usually.

bet teh ladies love you

Innit. If my misses doesn't come BEFORE I put my cock in then I feel like I've done a shit job.
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« Reply #69 on: June 01, 2011, 18:48:24 »

obviously "balls deep" is better, but what about before then?
Before then, they have clothes on. Usually.

bet teh ladies love you
I'll have you know I'm an exceptional lover.
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« Reply #70 on: June 01, 2011, 18:55:03 »

vids of stfu  Two Thumbs
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« Reply #71 on: June 01, 2011, 18:56:41 »

obviously "balls deep" is better, but what about before then?
Before then, they have clothes on. Usually.

bet teh ladies love you
I'll have you know I'm an exceptional lover.

No foreplay at all?
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« Reply #72 on: June 01, 2011, 19:02:18 »

obviously "balls deep" is better, but what about before then?
Before then, they have clothes on. Usually.

bet teh ladies love you
I'll have you know I'm an exceptional lover.

No foreplay at all?

yeah hes a real man, he just thumbs his limp dick into her dry fanny and hopes that friction will do summit
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« Reply #73 on: June 01, 2011, 19:07:23 »

obviously "balls deep" is better, but what about before then?
Before then, they have clothes on. Usually.

bet teh ladies love you
I'll have you know I'm an exceptional lover.
No foreplay at all?
Yeah some. But not with all the girls.
You can't tell me if you pull some girl in a club/work night out etc that you dive down there no questions asked?
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« Reply #74 on: June 01, 2011, 19:09:32 »

obviously "balls deep" is better, but what about before then?
Before then, they have clothes on. Usually.

bet teh ladies love you
I'll have you know I'm an exceptional lover.
No foreplay at all?
Yeah some. But not with all the girls.
You can't tell me if you pull some girl in a club/work night out etc that you dive down there no questions asked?


do you count giving them teh sparko as foreplay?
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« Reply #75 on: June 01, 2011, 19:11:39 »

obviously "balls deep" is better, but what about before then?
Before then, they have clothes on. Usually.

bet teh ladies love you
I'll have you know I'm an exceptional lover.
No foreplay at all?
Yeah some. But not with all the girls.
You can't tell me if you pull some girl in a club/work night out etc that you dive down there no questions asked?


If she's fit then of course I would. I love it. Fuck being a selfish lover!
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« Reply #76 on: June 01, 2011, 19:12:06 »

obviously "balls deep" is better, but what about before then?
Before then, they have clothes on. Usually.

bet teh ladies love you
I'll have you know I'm an exceptional lover.
No foreplay at all?
Yeah some. But not with all the girls.
You can't tell me if you pull some girl in a club/work night out etc that you dive down there no questions asked?


do you count giving them teh sparko as foreplay?
Whats the sparko?
I don't see what the problem is. I'm just surprised that some of you are so willing to go face first and neck deep into every girl that lets you see her vajine.
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« Reply #77 on: June 01, 2011, 19:16:36 »

obviously "balls deep" is better, but what about before then?
Before then, they have clothes on. Usually.

bet teh ladies love you
I'll have you know I'm an exceptional lover.
No foreplay at all?
Yeah some. But not with all the girls.
You can't tell me if you pull some girl in a club/work night out etc that you dive down there no questions asked?


If she's fit then of course I would. I love it. Fuck being a selfish lover!
Aaahhhh! You see what's happened there? You have fallen victim to the female of the new millennium, the Sex and the City new-age woman.

Not only do they need new shoes and a handbag and demand an orgasm every time. But they now have even themselves convinced that said orgasm cannot be achieved without oral stimulation.

Don't get me wrong, if it's the right girl them all systems go. But blessed with a battle-axe like I am, then a good old fashioned smashing works wonders.
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« Reply #78 on: June 01, 2011, 19:23:42 »

smack her up innit
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« Reply #79 on: June 02, 2011, 04:45:41 »

Yeah some. But not with all the girls.
You can't tell me if you pull some girl in a club/work night out etc that you dive down there no questions asked?


You do a sniff test first.

What does everyone prefer?

Hairy?

No Hair?

Slightly trimmed?

Some sort of Design?


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« Reply #80 on: June 02, 2011, 07:44:28 »

Yeah some. But not with all the girls.
You can't tell me if you pull some girl in a club/work night out etc that you dive down there no questions asked?


You do a sniff test first.

What does everyone prefer?

Hairy?

No Hair?

Slightly trimmed?

Some sort of Design?

I demand at least some pubic grooming from women. I mean, fuck me it's 2011.

I've just come back from tokyo and as we know, Jap girls are a bit behind the times when it comes to things like that (for cultural reasons), but I was pleasantly surprised to find out that they are learning.

I'm a no hair man personally, although loads of girls say it makes them look like a child so they won't do it. Cry
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« Reply #81 on: June 02, 2011, 10:39:24 »

Yeah some. But not with all the girls.
You can't tell me if you pull some girl in a club/work night out etc that you dive down there no questions asked?


You do a sniff test first.

What does everyone prefer?

Hairy?

No Hair?

Slightly trimmed?

Some sort of Design?

I demand at least some pubic grooming from women. I mean, fuck me it's 2011.

I've just come back from tokyo and as we know, Jap girls are a bit behind the times when it comes to things like that (for cultural reasons), but I was pleasantly surprised to find out that they are learning.

I'm a no hair man personally, although loads of girls say it makes them look like a child so they won't do it. Cry

Me too. And not because I think it looks childish. I just think it's much sexier when a girl is smooth and hair free, Apart from the head obviously.  Grin
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« Reply #82 on: June 02, 2011, 10:43:52 »

I just think it's much sexier when a girl is smooth and hair free, Apart from the head obviously.  Grin

Fucking sick paedo fuck.
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« Reply #83 on: June 02, 2011, 11:23:35 »

I just think it's much sexier when a girl is smooth and hair free, Apart from the head obviously.  Grin

Fucking sick paedo fuck.

To be a paedo, Noodle, you have to sleep with actual kids. My 32 year old misses having a shaven pussy doesn't really make me a paedo does it?
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« Reply #84 on: June 02, 2011, 11:28:42 »

I just think it's much sexier when a girl is smooth and hair free, Apart from the head obviously.  Grin

Fucking sick paedo fuck.

stuff

Fucking sick paedo fuck.
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« Reply #85 on: July 11, 2018, 14:12:16 »

This one is worth going through.  Smiley
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« Reply #86 on: August 07, 2018, 19:59:45 »

This one is worth going through.  Smiley

It somewhat veers off the original topic.
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« Reply #87 on: September 18, 2018, 12:58:41 »

Tempted to make it a sticky.
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  "E.T., Waldo and the Devil attend a KoRN concert."
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