70s Batman Series Quotes

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Lata:
Batman: Better put 5 cents in the meter.
Robin: No policeman's going to give the Batmobile a ticket.
Batman: This money goes to building better roads. We all must do our part.

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Robin: Holy molars! Am I ever glad I take good care of my teeth!
Batman: True. You owe your life to dental hygiene.

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Robin: If we close our eyes, we can't see anything.
Batman: A sound observation, Robin.

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Robin: How about rushing the place, Batman?
Batman: Shh. I think not, Robin. All they've done so far is stolen a few items, attempted to kill you, me, and Batgirl. No, I think they plan something really big.

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Lisa: Would you like to come in for a glass of milk and cookies?
Bruce: I'm afraid it's rather late. Why, it's 10:30!

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Robin: "Ghoti" is "fish"?
Batman: See here. English phonetics. GH becomes F, as in "tough" or "laugh". O becomes I as in "women". TI becomes SH as in "ration" or the word "nation".
Robin: Holy semantics, Batman. You never cease to amaze me!
Batman: No time for compliments, Robin. We must thwart some criminals. To the Batmobile!

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Dick: [reading in the library] Gosh, Bruce. That Genghis Khan was quite a guy.

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Joker: Then, after I've gotten rid of Batman and Robin for good, I will rule the waves. Me, the Joker, king of the surf and all the surfers. Then, Gotham City! Later, the world!

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Henchman: Many others have tried killing Batman.
Mad Hatter: Many others do not have the lethal equipment of my hat factory.

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O'Hara: I'm sorry, Batman. We would have gotten here sooner, but when Commissioner Gordon told me to go to the Museum, I assumed he meant the wax museum.
Batman: That's alright, Chief O'Hara. Anyone could have made the same mistake.

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Gordon: I'm sure they won't find caviar on the menu at Gotham State Prison.
Batman: Probably not, but they will get a well-balanced diet thanks to Warden Crichton's emphasis on proper nutrition.

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Gordon: Batman, you unscrambled that safe's combination in five seconds flat! How did you do it?
Batman: With my Bat-Five-Seconds-Flat-Combination-Unscrambler, Commissioner.

Lata:
[After the shark attack, Batman takes questions from the press in Commissioner Gordon's office.]
Batman: You there, Miss…
Miss Kitka: Comrade Kitayna Ireyna Tatanya Kerenska Alisoff. I am from the Moscow Bugle.

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[Batman, Robin, Commissioner Gordon, and Chief O'Hara consider which supercriminal might have been behind the fake yacht and exploding shark attack.]
Gordon: Could be any one of them, but which one? W— which ones?
O'Hara: [gasps]
Batman: Pretty fishy what happened to me on that ladder.
Gordon: You mean, where there's a fish, there could be a Penguin.
Robin: But wait! It happened at sea! See? "C" for Catwoman!
Batman: Yet… an exploding shark was pulling my leg!
Gordon: The Joker!
O'Hara: [It] all adds up to a sinister riddle. Riddle-er. Riddler?
Gordon: Oh! A thought strikes me! So dreadful I scarcely dare give it utterance.
Batman: The four of them. Their forces combined…
Robin: Holy nightmare!

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[Stuck to Penguin's magnetic buoy, with a torpedo approaching, Batman pries loose his utility belt transmitter.]
Batman: If I could just reverse the polarity… send out waves of super-energy…
. . .
[An annoyed Penguin observes the destruction of his torpedos.]
Penguin: He must be using his Super-Energy Reverse Polarizer!
. . .
[A third torpedo approaches, but Batman's transmitter ceases its screeching.]
Batman: Confound it! The batteries are dead!
. . .
[Moments after an off-camera explosion, we see Batman and Robin speeding in their Batboat.]
Robin: Gosh, Batman. The nobility of the almost-human porpoise.
Batman: True, Robin. It was… noble of that animal to hurl himself into the path of that final torpedo. He gave his life… for ours.

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[Batman calls Vice Admiral Fangschliester at the Pentagon about recently sold submarines.]
Fangschliester: Answer affirmative, Batman! We disposed of a war surplus submarine last Friday. A pre-atomic model. To some chap named, uh, "P. N. Guin".
Batman: P. N. Guin?
Robin: The Penguin!
Batman: Did this… P. N. Guin leave an address?
Fangschliester: No, just a post office box number. Would you like it?
Batman: No, thank you, Admiral. [gritting his teeth] You've been… very helpful.
Fangschliester: Avast and belay, Batman. Your tone sounds rather grim. We haven't done anything foolish, have we?
Batman: [slowly] Disposing of pre-atomic submarines to persons who don't even leave their full addresses?! Good day, Admiral!
[They hang up.]
Fangschliester: Gosh!

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[Batman shows the Polaris-delivered riddles to the Commissioner and Chief.]
Batman: Look at this pair of joking riddles!
O'Hara: [reading] "What does a turkey do when he flies upside down?"
Robin: He gobbles up!
O'Hara: Of course!
Batman: And, number two.
Gordon: [reading] "What weighs six ounces, sits in a tree, and is very dangerous?"
Robin: A sparrow with a machine gun!
Gordon: Yes, of course.
Batman: Now, combine both answers. What… kind of… creature would gobble up a bird in a tree?
O'Hara: Heaven protect us!
Gordon, O'Hara: [in unison] A cat!
Batman: Yes, gentlemen! The criminal cat-alyst in this entire affair! Our old… arch-enemy… Catwoman!
Gordon: Penguin, Joker, Riddler… and Catwoman, too! The sum of the angles of that rectangle is too monstrous to contemplate!
Batman: We've been given the plainest warning! They're working together to take over…
O'Hara: To take over what, Batman? Gotham City?
Batman: Any two of them might try that!
Gordon: The whole… country?
Batman: If it were three of them, I would say yes, but four? Their minimum objective must be… the entire… world.

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[Batman reads Miss Kitka's riddles to Robin.]
Batman: One: "What has yellow skin and writes?"
Robin: A ballpoint banana.
Batman: Right! Two: "What people are always in a hurry?"
Robin: Rushing people? Russians!
Batman: Right again! Now, what would you say they mean?
Robin: Banana… Russian. I've got it! Someone Russian is gonna slip on a banana peel and break their neck!
Batman: Precisely, Robin! The only possible meaning!

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Alfred: What is the scheme, sir?
Batman: Tonight, Bruce Wayne will go out on the town with Miss Kitka.
Alfred: A not-displeasing chore, sir.
Batman: Indeed, Alfred! I've rarely met a girl who's such a potent argument in favor of international… relations.

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[Catwoman is scooping up "dehydrated death-dealing pirates" into separate vials.]
Penguin: Careful, careful. Waggh, waggh. Every one of 'em has a mother.

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[Batman and Robin are climbing up the wharf building concealing the United Underworld hideout.]
Robin: When you think, Batman, with people in weird outfits, like the four super crooks hangin' around here, it's amazing somebody hasn't already reported this place to the police!
Batman: It's a low neighborhood, full of… rumpots. They're used to curious sights, which they attribute to alcoholic delusions.
Robin: Gosh, drink is sure a filthy thing, isn't it? I'd rather be dead than unable to trust my own eyes.

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[Batman dashes around the pier trying to dispose of a comically large bomb, repeatedly running into insensate bar patrons, an alms band, two nuns, a baby stroller, lovers in a boat, and ducks in the water.]
Batman: Some days, you just can't get rid of a bomb!

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[In the Batcave, Penguin's reconstituted pirates all disappear the moment they're touched.]
Robin: The pirates — they're gone! Popped like balloons! How'd it happen?
Batman: Whoever… de-hydrated those pirates could not have foreseen their accidental re-hydration… with the heavy water we use in recharging the atomic pile!
Robin: Which naturally left them in a highly unstable condition!
Batman: You saw it yourself, Robin. The… [slaps his hands together] SLIGHTEST impact was sufficient to instantly reduce them to anti-matter!
Robin: Antimatter? You mean they… won't be coming back?
Batman: No, Robin. Not in this universe.
[They jump down from the Bat consoles.]
Batman: Let that be… an object lesson in the dangers of tampering with the laws of Mother… Nature.

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[Batman and Robin spy the Riddler's latest missile-delivered clues.]
Batman: "What goes up white, and comes down yellow… and… white?"
Robin: An egg!
Batman: "How do you divide… seven-teen apples… among… sixteen… people?"
Robin: Make applesauce!
Batman: Apples into applesauce… a unification… into one smooth mixture. An egg… nature's perfect container… the container of all our hopes for the future!
Robin: A unification and a container of hope? United World Organization!
Batman: Precisely, Robin!

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[Batman and Robin are running through the streets of Gotham to the United World headquarters.]
Robin: Holy marathon! I'm getting a stitch, Batman!
Batman: Let's hope… it's a stitch in time, Robin! That saves nine — the nine members of the United World… Security Council! C'mon!

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[After processing the jumbled powders of the Security Council members with their Super Molecular Dust Separator, the Dynamic Duo discovers the rehydrated delegates are speaking the wrong languages.]
Batman: Who knows, Robin? This… strange… mixing of minds… may be the greatest single service ever performed for humanity. Let's go, but… inconspicuously, through the window. We'll use our… Batropes. [long pause] Our job is finished.

C-S-B:
Rlol, I used to watch this when it was on when i was younger!!1

ℬubonic:
haha, genius script writing.  :twothumbs:

C-S-B:
Bump, cos i hate to see another lata thread get dusted  under the carpet cos of tl;dr or tl;sm
plus is hilarious :laughing:

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